Stephen Shames: My Story

If someone had suggested to me when I was 12 or even at 52 that I would be sending young Africans to the best schools and training them to be leaders, I would have laughed. But the trajectory of a life looks different after it is lived. Looking back, it is clear my life has been preparing me for this. The many small steps bringing me to this point seem inevitable.

I remember vividly a dream I had when I was ten. In another age (or in another culture), my dream would be called a vision. My mom, like many 1950s moms, constantly reminded me of the “starving children in India.” One night I dreamt that I was among thousands of emaciated Indian children. I fed them and healed their pain by placing my fingers on their foreheads. It was an unrealistic fantasy. How can a child heal someone halfway around the globe?

The great thing about being 60, is that — freed of having to worry about a mortgage (paid off), putting my son through college, (Josh is 35), or “getting ahead” in my career — I can again indulge in childish flights of imagination. And now I have the skills to make them happen.

The India dream is one of my few childhood memories. The rest vanished into the recesses of my mind, perhaps to save me from reliving the pain. My family practiced all forms of abuse. They were good at it. I felt like an orphan, alone in the world. In midlife I forgave my parents. Forgiving them allowed me to re-direct my energy, which eventually led to creating L.E.A.D Uganda, the loving family I never had. I now know the meaning of my childhood dream—what I understood unconsciously at ten—saving orphans is the way to redeem myself.

My relations with my family were becoming explosive. Luckily, at 14, I got a scholarship to Putney. This great prep school taught me that education can be transforming. I gained confidence; was a leader. I became active in the movement that helped stop the War in Vietnam while a student at Berkeley. I learned it is possible to change society even when you are young.

After college I got married, had a son. I continued my photojournalism career  in a more low-key way. In my late thirties, I returned to social activism—doing photo-essays on children’s issues. In 1985 an Alicia Patterson Fellowship allowed me to spend a year documenting child poverty. I lived with the families. I became deeply involved in their lives — shared their pain. A book, Outside the Dream, brought the issue of child poverty to a large audience. It was featured in over 100 publications. An exhibit traveled to major museums such as the International Center of Photography. U. S. Senator Dodd asked me to testify in front of his committee.

After hearing me lecture at the Museum of Photographic Arts in San Diego, a woman got up and asked,” The photos make me sad, but what is the point, what can we do?” Her comment haunted me. While my work increased awareness and generated some donations—it was piecemeal. I resolved to show systematic ways of helping neglected children. My journey to start a new career in the second half of my life stems from that decision. In 1992, I approached The Ford Foundation. After two years of endless meetings and an 80 page grant application, I started a three year project documenting solutions to poverty. Pursuing the Dream: What Helps Children And Their Families Succeed was published as a book and exhibited. The project became part of an eight state effort to improve services to families.

Pursuing the Dream exposed me to incredible people such as Mike Forzley and Duncan Campbell of Friends of the Children, which transforms abused and neglected children by inserting a caring “friend” into their lives. Their long-term mentoring became the basis for the family approach L.E.A.D Uganda uses. Mike showed me how love can transform a troubled child: “I don’t know if love conquers all, but it opens their hearts, opens their minds.” Until his death from cancer, Mike was the brother I never had. Duncan remains a friend and contributor.

The defining moment that catapulted me into a second career occurred in 2000. While doing a story on AIDS orphans in Uganda, I photographed the funeral of a woman who left five orphans, the youngest a baby named Sarah, who now calls me “Dad”. Back home, I could not get them out of my mind. I wanted to return. I tried, without success, to interest magazines in doing a story on this child-headed family. In 2003, I returned on my own. The children’s intelligence and potential compelled me to cross the line from journalist to activist. I didn’t finish the story. Instead, I paid school fees for them at the village school. These children became my family.

I returned a year later to find that they had not really learned anything useful. I was frustrated. That led me to start a foundation to help children in a systematic way. I talked with the HIV-positive Ugandan women I had met in 2000 and the elders of the village. The Ugandans were dissatisfied with the dependency created by many charities. It didn’t really improve their situations. They told me they did not just want to receive a chicken from someone. They wanted their children to have the skills that they didn’t have. Working together, we decided to take a different approach. We would give excluded youngsters 21st-century skills; make them leaders. Six years later, the lives of 90 children, including Sarah, have been transformed.

I had been involved in children’s issues for over 40 years; first as a photojournalist, now as an advocate. Always at the top of my mind is: How do you help those who are most at risk? What I learned documenting child poverty and researching poverty alleviation for The Ford Foundation; what I found out as an activist in the U. S. and Uganda is this: The best way to help children is to help their families and communities in a sustainable way. That is why L.E.A.D Uganda systematically gives children the advanced skills needed to help their communities.

Today — looking at it in reverse — my life’s journey makes sense If there is a meaning to my life, it is turning former child soldiers, abducted girls, AIDS orphans, and child laborers into leaders who will modernize their continent and bring hope to the world. If I could characterize my life’s journey in three words, they would be transformation, healing, and family. I would not trade the past six years for anything. This is the happiest period of my life.